Hey, Guy

I had a conversation with a salesman at a Brooks Brothers Store the other day that really irked me and this is just a little pet peeve I’ve had for a few years now. The helper kept calling me “guy” it went something like this..

Douche: Hey Guy, is there anything I can help you with?

Me: No just uhh browsing

Douche: Okay Guy…well my name is Douche and I’ll be around if you need me

Me(a little bit annoyed now): Ok buddy

I never spoke with him again, got what I needed and checked out with another salesman but it got me wondering WTF is the story with this Guy bullshit..Was he being an asshole? Is that acceptable? I mean, no offense, but he is the one working at a store and I’m the one shopping there. It’s not like my doctor or financial adviser fucking calling me “guy”, that would at least be more acceptable. Go fold some fucking sweaters, bitch. I left about 14 shirts in a wad in dressing room 3. Oh an I tried on two pairs of chinos with no underwear on.

– JQ

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Twitter time

I am believer that if you get your work done and you have some free time, you should be able to look at whatever you want. On that note, I recently joined twitter and like to spend my time looking at pics of the people I follow. I probably should have prefaced of the 33 people I am following 30 are porn stars. Don’t get me wrong I am sure there are a lot of great twitter’ers out there that I should be following, but have you seen this shit??? It is unreal, these girls just post what we know in todays world as sexts. For example my favorite of the bunch is this girl Tori Black, this girl straight brings it with post bang session pics, wake up ass pics, and just candid shit…The point is being able to see these girls outside a whore house is great, like the kind of girl you meet at the local whole foods just straight normal girls who love flowers, long walks on the beach, and anal . Anyways I am not saying you need to bring it to my level but give it a test run…I have only been a member for 24 hours so not sure how long it will last

-mook

Instant Coffee…

So here we are coming out of this recession and yet people are still cranking out instant coffee from these Keurigs. My office recently purchased one of these bad boys and about 2000 little brew packs…My two favorite names are butter toffee and double black diamond, I mean really? Butter toffee? Anyways, in light of living way beyond my means, I have begun to drink this sewer coffee as well. It honestly tastes like day old brewed coffee, of course what can you expect when its brewed in under 12 seconds…So my day now starts by, one telling my local breakfast spot “sorry no iced coffee for me today I am poor” (yeah I drink iced coffee year round, keeps people guessing), two one of the worst aftertastes that lasts til lunch, and of course third a stomach full of instant brew which ends poorly.

-mook

WTF Clothing Item of the Week

Thanks Gilt Groupe….Check them out anyday for gems like this

Steam Room WTF

Piggybacking off of my iWeightlifting post the other day, I thought I’d add another gym/workout pet peeve. Nothing completes a workout, recharges your body and rejuvenates the soul like a steam room visit after a workout in the winter. Unless the guy(s) in said room are doing something outrageous. I’ve seen it all: people ripping farts, having ridiculous conversations about how much money they make, rubbing shaving cream all over their entire head, neck back… I even had a friend get propositioned at an Equinox Steam Room in NYC, old dudes with old hairy balls doing stretches, calisthenics, jumping jacks…the whole nine yards. But what this greasebag(mid 20s douchemonkey) was doing the other night takes the cake. First…he started popping his pimples in the fucking steam room…Holy shit that is disgusting…I thought he was done because he left and hopefully washed his hands…but he came back. He was wielding something but I couldn’t see what….then I heard it. He was fucking clipping his toe nails in the steam room. Bits and specks of his jagged toe nails flying all over the place like shrapnel in ‘Nam.  I was not gonna let this sonofabitch ruin my steam so I waited it out and watched him collect his scrappings on the towel his feet were resting on.  Now I may be a little bit OCD or something so I already hate the sound of nails getting clipped, but in the Steam Room?!?!? Come on!

-John Q

The Daily Snow….

I am so fucking tired of snow…I grew up down South and every Winter I prayed for snow because of school closings, a White Christmas, or a good sled day. Well the times have changed my friend, and quite candidly I now understand why all those Californians are at peace, they don’t deal with this shit. I have been living in NYC for four years and in the beginning I thought it was cool, waking up, skipping through the snow and enjoying a good chicken pot pie for lunch. Now I look outside, put on my shittiest clothes and tranche through the snow on yet another mundane day at the office. In light of today and for those of you who have not grown up in the winter wonderlands of the Northeast let me describe three points:

1. All the snow after about 24 hours turns to this brown looking shit and is very comparable to what a dive bar floor looks like after ladies night…its downright disgusting, so if you’re thinking of beautiful white streets please go fuck yourself, you’re way off.

2. One of the worst parts of snow buildup in NYC or well anywhere for that matter is the dog piss…I was walking down the street the other day and the weather had been fucking frigid since the last snow so nothing had really melted. The amount of pissed covered snow is appalling –  there was more yellow than the white. Yeah I know pissing in the snow is great, it melts, you laugh – a very enjoyable moment. Well this is not even piss, it’s like neon yellow from some mutt that probably is carrying some rare bird flu type shit…

3. This third one is just for people living in a commuter large city like Boston, NYC, or Chicago…maybe Pittsburgh but fuck that place anyways your quarterback straight rapes chicks….anyways a place only known to man as underground transportation, yeah where all the homeless people go to sleep and galavant around town. The subway during a snow is like a hot steam fully clothed with a bunch of strangers…I will attach a pic later since I already know my commute home will be hell.

I am sure there are much more but these are three instances that have stood out to me over the last month

-Mook

Marshmallow Man on a Vespa

Attached is my candid photo of the week. I’m gonna try to do these as much as I can. This is last night. It’s a fucking monsoon outside, everyone around me has their hazard lights on trying not to die and this guy is running around town doing 80 on a Vespa with a full rain suit strapped around him puffed up like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters. I followed him around just to see where this specimen was going. He pulled into a Blockbuster Video. WTF?

-John Q