Fat Kids on Flights

God damnt mook, you bitch, I don’t feel well. In the spirit of not feeling well, I thought I’d tell you about my return flight last night….on Southwest Airlines. Holy shit. If that isn’t an airline discriminating against drunkards I dont know what is. Firstly, I can’t book my seat in advance, as you know, so it’s all on you to make sure you sign in early enough to get a decent boarding group number…you think I did? Think again. B36. So i wait til its my turn to board and low and behold it looks like they’re may actually be an aisle seat on the back of the plane…think again…this cougar wanna be in front of me wearing a fake mink from Burlington Coat Factory takes the last aisle seat and Im stuck in the last row, on the window…Fuck my life. The only thing worse than feeling like you’re about to throw up on a plane, is being stuck in the middle or window and know that in the even you do have to vomit…youll have to climb over two people. Well I thought I was ok and would have an empty middle seat until this little pudgy 11 or 12 year old Augustus Glut motherfucker sits right next to me and starts asking questions to me, the guy next to me, the stewardess…the balls on this little mother fucker…he told me twice to turn off my iphone when I used it before and after the “designated time” (btw I never fucking turn it off, deal with it) and started asking me questions about my headphones, my iphone, if I like flying etc..then the little tub o lard orders a hot chocolate and commences consuming it with the leftover chinese food this little type 2er picked up at the airport….good God in heaven it took all the strength in me not to “accidentally” dump his fresh hot 840 calorie cocoa all over his illiterate ass…..Finally I said, “I’m sorry I’m falling asleep.” Yea, I pussed out…if I go to jail it will be for something better than that-

– John Q

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