A day in the life of Boxer/Briefs…

So this is a topic that all men can relate to and likely have all had a day ruined by the wrong pair.  As my friend once told me, when you become engaged/married all you care about is comfort, forget about that hot shit that makes the single bitches cream (sorry if that was a little much). The truth is that is all that shit matters. With that said, I have five types of boxer scenarios we all deal or have dealt with ranging from feeling like you’re on top of the world or like you’re wearing a wet paper bag.

1. The “Diaper” – There is nothing worse then when you roll out for the day and you feel like you have John Candy’s boxers on. We all know the feeling, each step is just a constant reminder your day is over and to throw that over-sized piece of shit pair away. The whole day consists of adjusting, patting of the ass, moving the waistband…never ending, its literally the exact feeling as though your wearing shorts underneath pants. The worst part, you keep the pair…you wash, wear, repeat…clean it up and buy some new pairs, or do what I do pawn em off to some Saturday night slay.

2. The “Band” – This is something that used to happen to me when my old Russian maid did all my laundry with wells Vodka, but I imagine it happens more than I think. We know the bit, its a great or bad pair where the elastic band has met it match with the washer and literally becomes a waist size 42. You find yourself believing you have a few more runs and what happens, just an average day ruined…you walk around with boxers folding over your belt or slipping below the belt line. Solution: I think if you match them up perfect with with belt and pull tight…probably mush but it’s all I have right now.

3. The “Stain” – Tough subject to broach no doubt and girls sickly have it worse than us…We have all had our days in the mens room and sometimes you just get smoked. Yeah its disgusting but the worst part and I mean the worst part is your walking around all day with shit on your boxers. The degree can be small to large but bottom line get out the clorox bleach. Also, did you ever think about the fact when you sit down, I mean fuck, you’re just straight sitting in shit while working…As for girls, I wont go there…

4. The “Tear” – This a new one to me, I mean over the last year…no clue why though. Anyways similar to the “Band” a pair can only take so much and there begins to be rips where the band connects to the boxer short. This type is a problem, because likely this pair is probably one of your favorites. The problem is you have to be soooo careful not to let the rip become bigger because once that baby walks, it runs. Also each wash is a killer. Now I recently took this to a new level, I literally ripped the top ass to hip and was wearing essentially assless chaps…yeah my old roommate was like dude unacceptable, let em go…

5. The “Money Shots” – This is the easiest one, this is a the pair you set a side for what you know is going to be a good day. Like a date with some smokeshow you met, big job interview, or just big night out where you need the extra confidence. For you swashbuckling freaks from Jersey that would be those airtight Armani’s where your package looks like a goddamn fruit stand. As for you preps, thats the pair from vineyard vines that are pink  with some whale or sloth. With that said, no matter how you take your coffee, it’s the pair that is the most comfortable, best looking, and best fitting. The key to the Money Shots is to build a good set, say like 6-7 pairs of these in case you gotta a good lineup coming like a wedding in “St. Barths” or a weekend in Vegas.

Keep it classy and don’t be a cheap ass…Life is too short to walk around in shitty boxers/briefs.


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